It wasn’t long ago when I realized I was a loner…
When my friends would invite me to go to the nearby coffee shops, I almost never refused.
But when I started to get older solitude started to really mean something to me. I enjoyed simply by being with myself, although years before that I couldn’t stand being alone, not even for 1 hour.
And it’s wrong to think that you have a problem when you actually want to be alone. No one says you must be with people 24/7 and have chit chat whenever you see a person. You are simply a loner: a person who loves being by himself.
There are two different types of loners. The extroverted loner, who has no problem making friends or being social, but ‘chooses’ to be alone, and the introverted loner, who actually feels more secure and safe by being alone, not having much of a choice.
An extroverted loner is someone who longs to be around people but for whatever reason ends up being alone a lot of the time. To me, these people may not be true loners at all. An extroverted loner, for example, would spend a good part of his time when alone fantasizing that he was with other people. I have worked with people who spent most of their time alone, but they told me that most of the time they were alone they were fantasizing that they were with other people. I told these people that there was no way that they were real loners, and I did not even feel that they were true introverts. This sort of person might be thought of as a “frustrated extrovert.”
On the other hand, the introverted loner is easily overwhelmed by crowds or large groups, so they choose different social avenues, like online forums or communities rather than concert venues or bars. The introverted loners are real loners. They don’t fantasize to spend time with other people… but it also doesn’t mean they don’t want any human beings around them.
They may crave human interaction as much as their extroverted peers, they just go about pursuing it differently.
The point is, being a loner is entirely different than being lonely. Most people caught themselves in this confusion and think they need help.
There are numerous reasons for a person to enjoy simply existing in solitude, so if you’re starting to realize that you might be a loner, don’t worry about being persecuted or stigmatized, embrace it.
You are different.
“Loyalty and intelligence are your hallmark characteristics. So, be smart, choose your friends wisely, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when a night in by yourself sounds better than a night out on the town.”
Thanks for reading!